searching for validation

 

            It’s a funny concept. This thing called “validation.” When we care so much about what other people think of us. Trying so hard to win their approval. Wanting them to like us and tell us how great we are, how pretty, how creative, how funny, how simply fabulous we are. We try to perform for each other. Creating new identities or trying so desperately to share what’s special about the identity we have. We wait. And wait. For phone calls returned or text messages worded in just the right way. Saying all of the things we want others to say. To us. In that exact moment. We live our lives this way. Hoping so much that other people will get us or want to be around us. Will say all of the right words and compliment us on our new clothes and laugh at our funny jokes and tell us everything is going to be okay. We look at them, expectantly, even if it’s over the internet or through the phone lines, and we wait. Wait for them to tell us, to show us, to prove to us just how much they love us. And at the same time just how great we are.

But they can’t. No one person can show us how great we are at all times. No one has just the right words to say. No one hears your jokes clearly every time and just gets them, just gets you, every single time. Sometimes your outfits will just not be their taste. Sometimes they’ll like what you’re wearing or saying or doing but just not express it. Out loud. Sometimes they are distracted by the millions of thoughts running through their heads or by their lack of energy or by that sparkly thing over in the corner and they won’t respond in just the right way at just the right time. So we move on. Looking for another person who does everything just right. We start spending more time with other people who understand us better. Who laugh louder. Who listen closer. Who have better taste, are more cultured, are less cynical, are more adventurous. And then, they get us. For a while. But then, suddenly, they don’t anymore. And so we move on. Again.

Or we start to shift. We start to hide parts of ourselves that weren’t accepted by him or her. We stop wearing bright colors or leggings or crazy hats. We stop painting. Stop crafting. Stop singing. Stop making jokes. Stop talking. At all. We get rid of those parts that weren’t validated. Those parts that weren’t appreciated by him or her. And we start to think that those parts are what’s holding us down. Those parts are what’s holding us back from being that special person that we truly could be. If it weren’t for that.

But what we don’t realize is that no one can validate us. Not one single person on this earth can be all that we need them to be at every moment. Not one person gets us all of the time. And we can bounce around from relationship to relationship or friendship to friendship wishing for a person who sees us. All of us. But we’ll never find that person. We can even have twenty different that persons who we go back and forth between, but even all twenty of them will never see all of us. They’ll never get all of us. They’ll never allow all of us to be who we really could be if they just encouraged it a bit more.

But there’s God. God is the only one who can see all of us and understand all of us. He is the only one who really enjoys us. Completely encourages us. Sees our real potential and corrects us in order to get us there. He truly loves us. And that validation. That wanting someone to just tell you how great you are, only comes from Him. I’m considered a “People person” and sometimes I get so worn out by people that I just have to sit in silence. Sometimes my nerves are on edge or I have pms or I have a headache or I’m preoccupied with the millions of things floating through my mind at any given point and I’m just not much fun to be around. Sometimes I smile and laugh and am very polite. Sometimes I say all of the right things and am the most-charming leading lady in the movie going on in my head. But other times. Probably most of the time. I stumble over my words. And I hear things wrong. And I don’t laugh. And I forget to return emails. And I don’t answer my phone. And most of the time it has nothing at all to do with that person or me thinking that he or she is not that fabulous, but has everything to do with something completely different. And if other people looked or look to me as their source of validation, then they are going to be or are constantly being sorely disappointed.

I have to remember that. When I’m waiting and waiting for someone else to notice just how great I am. I have to remember that people are Just. Like. Me. We’re just people. We can’t have it all together at all times. We can’t make anyone be all they could be. We are not the army. But more importantly, we are not anyone’s Creator. We are not All-Knowing and All-Powerful and Always Present. We can’t be there all of the time. But God can. And God is. All of the time. And He always WANTS to be there. He always wants to be the first one you call. He always wants to be your biggest support. He always wants to be your biggest fan. Because He loves you and me SO MUCH. He has already validated you. He has already validated me. So nothing anyone can say could ever add to that. And nothing anyone can say or do could ever take away from that.

Love.

Isaiah 43:1-7

The Savior of Israel

¹ But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
      O Israel, the one who formed you says,
   “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
      I have called you by name; you are mine.
 ² When you go through deep waters,
      I will be with you.
   When you go through rivers of difficulty,
      you will not drown.
   When you walk through the fire of oppression,
      you will not be burned up;
      the flames will not consume you.
 ³ For I am the Lord, your God,
      the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
   I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom;
      I gave Ethiopia^[a] and Seba in your place.
 ⁴ Others were given in exchange for you.
      I traded their lives for yours
   because you are precious to me.
      You are honored, and I love you.

⁵ “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
      I will gather you and your children from east and west.
 ⁶ I will say to the north and south,
      ‘Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel
      from the distant corners of the earth.
 ⁷ Bring all who claim me as their God,
      for I have made them for my glory.
      It was I who created them.’”