Seasons Change

I'm sick. Sucks. And I know the reason I'm sick is because the seasons are changing. Not because I've been on an emotional whirlwind this week. Not because I'm exhausted. Not because I work a ton. Not because I've stopped washing my hands every time I put something in my mouth, and instead have decided to "embrace germs." No. Only because it is Autumn and the leaves are falling from the trees and the days are getting shorter and my allergies are spiking and it is no longer Summer.

Wah.

So I didn't feel like writing, but felt like I should blog about SOMETHING as I haven't in quite a while. So I wanted to see if I could find an old writing on Autumn and I found this one. Which isn't really about Autumn at all but is more about Summer. I wrote it on March 7, 2011, which I realize was right after my California trip and smack dab in the middle of my wrestling with moving there.

The seasons are changing and so is my life. I can feel it. As the nights start earlier and the air gets colder and the trees start to drift off into hibernation here is my life, entering a season of change. I started a new job, I can feel my friendships shifting, and so is my heart. I'm craving color and new foods and new songs and a new relationship with God. 

I'm starting to realize how present God has always been in my life. I'm realizing that God designed me a certain way and encouraged me to be this way throughout my life. When I started a new relationship with God three years ago, I decided that the old was gone and the new was here. While I think that's true to an extent, I also think that God was molding me even back then. I was too quick to run away from who I'd always been and trying to find out a new person. But I'm still me. I think I believed "dying to yourself" meant leaving the parts behind that aren't only focused on God. While part of me knew that God doesn't want me to be a Zombie for Christ I still stifled parts of me. Good parts of me. So now I think I'm entering a season of remembering who I am and embracing God within all of that.

Yes I'm babbling. Yes I'm thinking outloud. Yes I'm making this up as I go along. Would you expect anything else?

I've always thought my favorite season was fall because it has so many great parts to it. But Fall is always SO SHORT. My favorite weather is high of 75 and a low of 60. Nothing colder than that. I like it warm but not HOT.

Babble done.

Love to you for reading this.
 

March 7, 2011

Summer

You are a distant memory

Floating on an Autumn breeze

Right into my September

You are no longer here with me

Though I so wish that you could be

Somewhere past December

I remember you like I was a child

Sitting in your July sun

Running through your August clouds

Sifting through your June green grass

With your light shining bright

And beads of sweat dripping down the contours of my back

Running along the hollow of my spine

As I sit back and enjoy your

Warm brown turpentine

And now I wait for you

While I freeze inside a too-long winter

Looking backwards from March

Wondering how there could still be snow this late

In the season

I look up at the sky and see no trace of you

Only grey and white

With my dear friend

Mr Sun

Trying so hard to

Just

Poke

Through

The clouds

The trees remain brittle and brown

Showing no sign of life around

And all the while I’m looking down

At mud

And melting snow

Wondering why it

Refuses to just

Die already

I see this one grey skinny limb

Of a tree that needs leaves in order to seem fatter

As it breathes 

Desperately

Searching for a sign of air

Somewhere

Between these gusts of cold winter chill

And you there

Summer

Whispering in a dark midnight

Telling me of times when stars danced overhead

And I could lay beneath them

Wrapped up in you my lover

And my friend

I miss you

Because you bring me closer to the way things should always be

Laying in the shadow of a green tall tree

A place where I can feel my toes

And my fingers don’t burn in an

Icy block

Where my car is clean and shiny black

And not caked in

White

And grey

Salt

A place where colors fade in the sunlight

And

The sky is always a bright blue

And

Ice cream cones drip down my arm

And

Flip flops

And tank tops

Are worn every day long

A place that exists somewhere

Right now

Where drive ins last all year round

And the thought of snow days is a fable told by an old ancient

Grandmother

Where palm trees grow tall

And look like hairy creatures from

The Wild Ones

And you

Summer

Are no longer just a three month long season

You are no longer just a time of year

You are no longer a momentary lapse

Or

A brief existence

But instead you are

Eternal.

Take me there Summer

Take me to that place where I can be with you all year long

Where I can see the brightness of your face

And be enveloped by the warmth of your beauty

Where

Rainbows come after the storm

And

The ground is always hot with sunlight

And

I could cook an egg on the side walk

And

I can catch you like a lightening bug

In a Mason Jar

Oh

Take me there

Summer

To that place where I never need a coat

And gloves are only an option

And I never ever again have to scrape

Ice from my windshield

Where my automatic starter never gets used

And

My winter boots stay in the closet

And

Converse can be worn

All year round

Where I can leave the house with wet hair and

Know I won’t catch Pneumonia

And

I can ride around with the windows down

And

I can go for long walks outside

Where the lakes aren’t frozen over

And

I can camp out in my back yard

And

I can sleep outside in a tent

And

Concerts are held under the stars

And

Convertibles are in fashion

And

I never ever have another sinus headache

A place where the trees never die

And the squirrels never hibernate

And

The wind always blows as a

Light

Gentle

Breeze

And you are there

Summer

My Lover

And

My Friend

All

Year

Round.